Remember the hug with that male friend that went super awkward because of his boner?
‘Cum on now, will you!’, we’d ideally say.
But since most of us are far, far away from anything that can be ideal, let him get the slightest action he can with that hug. Well, whatever lets him catch some sleep at night. A deep, long one. *wink* But now that National Masturbation Month is here I can subtly hint him in every possible way to “get off” or “cut it off”. Happy Masturbation Month, you gaaiz!
It’s that month of the year when all those quotes like ‘love yourself before anyone else’ suddenly start making sense. Not that they don’t throughout the year when we pretend to agree that that they do. *forever alone shenanigans* Whatever be the case, it’s this time of the year where you are supposed to take up your responsibility heads-on to please yourself without a third party intervention, and just f**cking ace at it!
All cheers to a sex toy shop in California called Good Vibrations, May belongs to the act of Self Loving since 1995. This took place after Bill Clinton, president at the time, fired the then surgeon-general Jocelyn Elders following a speech she gave at the 1994 United Nations World AIDS Day. Someone courageous in the audience asked Elders about masturbation as a way of discouraging risky sexual activity among young people. She responded "I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught. Since then, the Good Vibrations group has used the entire month to spread awareness about the right to masturbate and alternatives to risky sex. Later it was expanded to include the entire month of May as International Masturbation Month.
So an entire month dedicated to self loving. Two minutes silence for people who thought of this brilliant idea and another 15 minutes of silence to get through with the process ourselves. Wait, I am not done yet. Ah well, all we can wish for is an empty house. So once we have that kind of “alone time” on our watch what is it that we plan to do this month to celebrate this wonderful blessing. Whatever you do don’t forget to dust off that old lube bottle that has been waiting for your touch for the act to get started.
And for the self-claimed intellectuals who think books can replace self pleasure let me tell you the great literaries have behold upon us this great obligation and it is our responsibility to not fail them and rejoice this month to our fullest. Afterall our favourite Mark Twain himself gave a lecture about jerking off which was a silly satire of the contemporary religious conservative’s ban on masturbation. So let’s carry the torch ahead with a to and fro movement ;)
In case you were wondering you are all alone in this fine art have a look at IMbesharam’s website. They are on this social upliftment mission to make human self-actualization a much more enjoyable process with their amazing products that will leave you surprised at your own kinkiness! It has thousands of products that could help you wank off, jerk off, toss off, buff the muffin, choke the chicken, go solo, spank the monkey, self-service - name your fetish and they’d know what you want!
They’re India's Favourite Adult Store serving 1.4 billion Indians worldwide (we’re not even kid-ding with the numbers!). IMbesharam is on a mission to revive Kamasutra in its own land and fix curiosity, imagination, desires and fantasies of India, right on their finger-tip.*WinkAlert*
At IMbesharam, they believe that masturbation as an act of self-expression and tissue box reaching habit is healthy and should be encouraged and educated about. They plan to celebrate it with various offers and sharing interesting knowledge on the same. All this without shelling much pennies.*pun intended*
Go ahead, check them out (literally and figuratively, we won’t mind) and surprise your inner demons this month!
May the force be with you.